Daddy, Can I Drive?

It's been more than a year since I got my driver's license but I have yet to be given the right to drive. As I saw where this life story one-sided conversation was headed I knew that I was as good as defeated. So after being dismissed I went up to my room and took my anger out on some innocent civilians.

Well actually to be honest, deep down, at the very deepest core of my heart I was kind of glad and somewhat relieved that they said no. I knew full well how the degree of the atrocity of my sense of direction had the potential to reach a hazardous level.

They say that human intelligence is measured based on a number of things, one of them being SPATIAL INTELLIGENCE which is responsible for sense of direction. I always imagine that if somehow they were to be able to look into my brain they would see something like this.

I was allowed to drive but only around my housing area. A dead area where the probability of encountering a fellow car per unit time is approximately one per hour. Still as for that particular moment, I was content since I had never even done that prior to the acquirement of my license.

The following year, I was out with my friends, Atif and Kanaga, to buy some stuff at the mall. Upon reaching the parking lot to go back home, Atif offered me her car key.......

My first ever REAL driving experience was heavenly. Despite the fact that it was ruthlessly tainted by Atif's paranoiac screams and the fact that my head couldn't fully reach beyond the height of the steering wheel, I had a wide grin on my face all the way.

I did make a mental note to sit on a pillow next time. My friend Tongong suggested that I should sit on an encyclopedia but I wouldn't want to disrespect 'knowledge' that way.

So from then on I would drive Atif's car from time to time and I would mysteriously forget to tell my parents about it when I got home.

However, one day I consumed a LOT of chocolates after a long while of not having any so I was basically having an uncontrollable hyperglycaemic fit. It got me jumping and flailing my arms about around the house for hours and eventually led to me telling my parents that I drove back home from the library with Atif's car. Their reaction was priceless.

I was lucky, though, that I did it during dinner. The atmosphere at the dining table in my house is usually the least tense. My family respects food as God's blessing and would refrain from saying anything nasty in front of food. The conversation ended there.

One day, I was alone at home with the maid, Bibik. My dad was at work and my mum and sister were in Jakarta. I was in the midst of exams and had no papers for that particular day. I had no classes, either. To cut things short, I HAD NOTHING TO DO. This awakened the hyperactive kid within me that was beckoning me to satisfy its thirst for absolutely pointless activity that would in no way benefit the society.

At the same time, I was having a HUGE craving for Nando's. I remembered jotting down the delivery number sometime back so I called to place an order.

I was distraught. I tried to be patient but my craving for Nando's was only getting stronger and stronger beyond all self-control. I was starting to feel hopeless and was ready to give up on life..

When out of the corner of my eye, I saw my mum's car through the window.

I considered sneaking out and back without a word but I was afraid that God would punish me and I would get into a car accident and die...

Then my dad would find out and kill my mangled corpse..

So with the knowledge that all hope of me even considering to go on my life, however bleak, rested upon my dad's approval of me driving to Jusco and devouring my beloved Nando's, I decided to call my dad to ask him if I could take the car and drive to Jusco with Bibik (I needed her to show me the way).

I expected a 'no' for sure, so after laying down my plans to squeeze myself into a washing machine full of razor blades, I called him anyway for the sole purpose of conforming to my personal need to adhere to suicidal protocols.

To my utmost delight, all he said was, "Okay. Drive slowly."

So YES..

On the twentieth of October, year two-thousand-ten...

20102010...

MY DAD LET ME DRIVE ON MY OWN!